Margaret was initially a colleague of mine at Railtrack, now Network Rail. She’d already been working there for a few years when I first arrived in 1998 and I found her warm, easy to talk to and very attractive! In 2001, seeking some further development in our relationship, I asked her if she would go out on a date with me, to which she replied that I ‘wasn’t her type’… I was obviously disappointed about this at the time, and of course we remained friends and I didn’t give up hope of more; continuing in what might be described as ‘gentle pursuit’ of her…
Both Margaret and I had a shared ambition to travel to India, so, as good friends, we planned a trip to Goa together. But while we were there, something shifted in our relationship, making this magical holiday the first of many that we would enjoy together as a couple to destinations all around the world. Some of the greatest experiences either of us have had in places like Australia, Costa Rica, Indonesia, Thailand, Sri Lanka and Vietnam... and so many more culminating in our final amazing trip to Barbados; one that marked another change in our lives: our first holiday as parents, accompanied by our wonderful son, Joseph.
As I reflect on what I appreciated about Margaret, and why our partnership worked so well, (despite her initial reservations) I think it was because we came to appreciate our different qualities so that, even when we did disagree, we would naturally move to meet in the middle (though Margaret was always right, which was a good thing given that she rarely liked to apologise!) I really do think we bought out the very best in each other and enhanced each other’s lives.
Margaret was always so stable, sensible, and generally very measured in her approach to decisions and problems; rarely flustered and very rarely moved to anger, she was also naturally warm and empathic.
Recalling this about Margaret reminds me of a bit of a running joke or thread running though some of our decision making: when we were looking to rent our first house together, we agreed to view a number before deciding; except we didn’t; we just rented the first one we saw! In the same way, our dog, Poppy, was the first we met when we decided to re-home a pet, and when we purchased our first home, we saw one and…well, you’ve got the gist...
I think this came from an unconscious willingness on both our parts to go with something that felt right, though I have to say, having realised that we were making somewhat ‘impulsive’ decisions, we then looked at about 100 houses before buying our current family home, finding ourselves unable, or perhaps unwilling, to make a final decision!
Margaret and I grew closer and closer together over the years, growing through marriage, experience, and change. Our love continued to grow. I continued to love her smile with its capacity to light up a room and effect of making her seem lit from the inside out. Ironically Margaret really did not like having her photograph taken, often becoming self-conscious if a camera was produced. There are plenty of stage-managed photos, but the natural ones capturing her inherent beauty and warmth were always the best!
The strength of our marriage and belief that we had the capacity and capability within our partnership to be good parents led to one of our best decisions and the good fortune of our lives as we were able to adopt our son, Joseph at 9 months old. Margaret had the opportunity to be a mummy and she was an absolutely wonderful one too, in spite of her illness.
I appreciate that for many of you, news of the seriousness of Margaret’s illness, or even her death, may have come as a significant shock, but please know that her approach to it from first diagnosis to final days, just 16 months later, was that of incredible resilience, positive energy and stoicism. And Margaret didn’t want to be treated differently by friends and colleagues because she was unwell, she wanted to be seen as herself and not someone toiling with this cruel disease. Margaret put tremendous effort into social events during treatment, at a personal cost, to spend time with some of those that she loved and loved her. Such was Margaret’s determination to be here for myself and Joseph, her desire to get better, to be well, that she underwent all available treatments and procedures, enduring difficulty and pain on the way but with a strength that was truly staggering. As a result of her dogged determination we were able to enjoy truly precious quality time together as a family.
As Margaret’s health deteriorated and her choices became continuing with end of life care at home or to be transferred to St Catherine’s hospice, Margaret came up with another option; go to London, have a pre-planned MRI scan, find a solution and get further treatment. Telling her that getting better wasn’t an option for her anymore is the most painful thing I have ever had to do. And again, when we were advised she had only a few hours left of life, she was with us for a further 5 days beyond what was expected, it would have been typical of Margaret to have overheard what had been said then be determined to stay with us for as long as she was able... Margaret found the peace and comfort to pass away peacefully and without pain 9 days after entering the hospice on 01 October.
And it is because of this strength and desire; because of all that she was, and all that she has given to us, that we have the strength to go on; into the future that Margaret might not be physically part of, but is ever present in.